The people I hate most in the world are those that never seem to change.
It’s a broad spectrum. I have friends who I have never been able to convince about certain political topics due to the gamification and mockery of our political system. It’s frustrating to talk to them. Because while the first time, the first debate, is engaging and fun, you start to realize every conversation ends at the same road block. The same position you can never move forward from. Often, I find myself compromising to only find hundreds of more road blocks further down the road. It’s tiring to keep fighting each one by compromising by myself. Compromise, like many things, is a two way street.
But more than politics, this mindset applies to life. To all the people who, even after countless instances of sorries and apologies, keep falling in the same predicament.
I’ve always thought that saying the same word over and over again dilutes the meaning of it. That the repetitiveness reduces significance. Sorry. It feels like that word is constantly being said by the people around me for the same reasons. It doesn’t feel like they’re all that sorry anymore.
And I’m no angel in this scenario too. I do believe I’ve started to say sorry less, but I think my problem is the opposite—I should be sorry for more. I’m often oblivious to the mistakes I make, a fact my mother likes to constantly bring up. But the question I have for all of my loved ones saying sorry to me, how sorry are you?
Because if you’re truly sorry, how is it that you keep ending up in this situation? A part of me believes that you’d do everything to never be there again. That life is a complicated and messy journey which forces us in situations we don’t like. But the other part questions. It questions why this apology is constant. It questions whether I should compromise. It questions why I’m compromising.
As my mind thinks of these questions, hundreds more rush in. Lately, the one rushing in is about everyone else. Is everybody else not hurt? Are people not hurt by the fact that others are constantly hurting them in the same way, without ever changing?
Is it because I’m not confrontational? My rationale has always been to confront people who truly don’t recognize their flaws. But amongst all the people I’m thinking about, it feels like each one knows their road block. They just seemingly choose not to move it.
I think sorry might be my least favorite word in the dictionary as of Monday, August 10th, 12:54 AM. Because if you’re really sorry, do something about it.